After almost three weeks I've got the M Coupe back from BMW and they've have given me back a different car. It looks like mine, even has the same number plate and they cleverly replaced the CDs with the ones I left in the changer but it feels very, very different. OK so what did they do? Well the Vanos for one and all the associated bits and pieces. Replaced the power steering rack. Replaced the cam cover gaskets. Re-gassed the aircon. Replaced the fan shroud clips so it doesn’t rattle. Inspection One but stamped as post Inspection 2 Oilservice due to the amount of work carried out. They did lots of other stuff too but I’m still awaiting the full paper work and engineers notes. Cost to be confirmed but estimated at on or abouts £3000. Cost to me £121 for Inspection One parts, BMW Park West covered the labour. So BMW Sytner 0, BMW Park West 10. Park West has despite the long wait seemingly come up trumps, they have done a significant amount of non-warranty work and not charged me for it. I’ve learnt a number of things from this experience. Firstly BMW dealers are a real mixed bag and they live and die by the quality of their service departments. Selling new cars is easy, keeping existing customers happy is not and some dealerships still don’t get it. The BMW Approved Used Car Scheme is again only as good as the dealership who sells the used car, the car I purchased should have left Sytner in is as perfect a condition as a three year old car could be. I drove around in a car that was off colour but I still thought it was a good, but only now do I understand just how great a car it is.

I am a man of simple needs; decent wine, good food and a regular fix of ‘gadgetoir’. The latest fix is a new Pocket PC or more precisely an Orange SPV M1000 to replace the now out of date Orange SPV ‘Classic’. It runs Windows 2003 Mobile Phone Edition so I get email and web browsing via GPRS and even…wait for it…use it as a phone. Luckly my employer is far sighted enough to include a GPRS service with these devices so I can do the previously mentioned web browsing, email or playing ‘Snails’ whenever I’m not in the office. Come to think of it if I can track down a VGA adaptor, you can get them to plug in either SD or CF slots, then I don’t even have to take my laptop with me if I need to do a presentation. And it doesn’t end there. It supports Bluetooth so I could, bank manager willing, add the Tomtom 3 Sat Nav system for use in the car which uses a Bluetooth enabled GPS receiver with 3D maps and voice commands on the M1000. PocketGPS will also let you download speed camera info with integrates into the Tomtom maps. All I need now is the optional Latte Maker and Kylie Minogue and I’m sorted.

Another football season draws to a close and men all over the UK are starting their hibernation until next season interrupted only by Euro 2004. Now I’m not a big fan of any one particular team but I am fascinated by football as a business and the naive belief that many people have that it’s still ostensibly a sport, but what strikes me is how much this season has highlighted the gulf developing between the ‘haves’ and the ‘have nots’. The FA final was an object lesson in the gap between the Premiership and the lower divisions. Millwall were outclassed by the deep pockets of Manchester United. What is apparent is that only three clubs fit into the ‘haves’ category at present and will probably book themselves into the top three places next season, the aforementioned Manchester United, Arsenal and the newly minted Chelsea. Any other clubs wanting to join in need to find someone willing to part with significant quantities of cash, is probably foreign and has a passing interest in football. It looks like Liverpool might have done just that. Is football in danger of becoming the new Formula One?

Izzy the Hungarian Vizsla has been with us for a year now and she has become one handsome hound. Well strictly she's not a Hound but a Gundog but Izzy doesn't know that.

Another year, another Eurovision. Yes the music is generally awful, but it’s worth watching as it highlights all that is right and wrong with Europe. To get us in the spirit of things I went to Waitrose and purloined a selection of European delicacies, but as I don’t know what the national dish of Serbia & Montenegro is I decided to adopt a region approach, but North, South, East and West was about as granular as I was able. The presenters looked like they’ve been made up from Airfix kits as usual, the bloke looking like Gomez’s uglier brother with Lurch’s haircut whilst his co-host’s perma-tan was barely contained inside her costume. When English is not your first language spontanious humour should be avoided. So here’s a country by country analysis. Spain – One of the few countries who adopted a national flavour to their entry. Dancers had skyscraper legs. Should have done better points wise. Austria – Bland boy band fare. Dull. The voters agreed. Norway – Steve Windwood cast off. Saved by their fellow Nordics from the usual ‘nil points’. France – By the numbers love song. Some woman on stilts dancing which was odd. What does ‘chaque’ mean? I think Andorra gave then twelve points, the fools. Malta – Half pop, half opera nonsense. She looked like a Maria Carey cloning experiment gone wrong. Lyrics from a ladybird book. Was 'Faith', 'Hope' and 'Charity' for nothing? Netherlands – The bastard sons of Robson and Gerome. Too much hair product. Not the worse. Germany – Hint of Jamie ‘Lovable Jazz Hobbit’ Cullum. Not bad as it happens. Frightening eyebrows. Albania – Dress not a good idea. Karaoke standard. Should have been eliminated in the semi finals at least. Ukraine – Fetish floor show meets Zena Warrior Princess and Riverdance. They won but I’m sure it was down to the leather and the Ukraine being spitting distance from the Balkans. Croatia – A song seemingly written by Sting and the chap who composed the theme to Blake’s Seven. Dire. Bosnia Herzegovina – Disco number with licks stolen from Donna Summer. Girls looked great but he looked like a warmed over ‘H’ from Steps. Originality bypass. Serbia & Montenegro - Another song that seemed to be national in flavour rather than generic Euro pap. Good effort too. Did well but obviously not enough leather or semi naked dancers. Belgium – Boppy number. She looked great. She made more of an impact than the song but the voters knew no mercy. Russia – Millions of square miles and all they could conjure up was a failed karaoke singer surrounded by the Moscow branch of Chippendales. Greece – Out of tune Ricky Martin copycat. Shocking lyrics. Saved by lots flesh on show by the two dancers. Voters like it and we know why. Being close to the Balkans helped too. Iceland – If Iceland had Pop Idol this would be the cookie cutter singer it’ll issue forth. Why were all the male singers wearing white suits? Forgettable. Ireland – Co-written by McFadden of Westlife (the one without the big tits) and it showed. Bland Westboylifezone tat. All that is wrong with pop music was captured in this three minutes of torture. Treated with the contempt it deserved by the voters. Former Yugoslav Rebublic of Macedonia - His country may have had the longest name in Eurovision but the singing career will be thankfully short. I truely hope he didn't give up the day job. Hard to believe that Alexander the Great was also Macedonian. Poland – She looked like Kat Slater’s better looking sister, but surely Kat’s a better singer. Truly awful. United Kingdom – Bit like a BMW 318i Auto as it happens. Dull but worthy. It however did manage to expunge the horror of ‘Gemini’ from the national psyche. Inoffensive pop fodder. Cyprus – Oddly she came from Gillingham in Kent. Apparently she was sixteen but the makeup people made her look ten years older. Could have been the UK entry. What it had to do with Cyprus will remain a mystery. Turkey – Sounded like Madness, looked not a million miles from Busted. Had obviously kept Istanbul’s tattoo industry busy in recent times. Romania – Minimal cloths and karaoke approach. Even as bland disco fodder goes it sucked. Sweden - If Helena Christensen’s had a twin it would be Sweden's entry. Passable pop number. Great boots. I think all the other Nordic countries did their bit by voting for her. The voting was as partisan as Terry Wogan predicted. The Balkan countries all voted for each other, as did the Nordics and Iberians. Because the Baltic countries had been eliminated in the earlier rounds they voted en mass for the Balkans. Block voting by the Balkans; wars have been started for less.

At long last the M Coupe has gone back to BMW to have the work carried out that was first flagged up back in February, and after being told to 'sod off' by BMW Sytner Sheffield who I purchased the car from I've been counting on BMW Park West to help out. It's been shaky as trying to get the two dealers to talk each other has been the motoring equivalent of herding moggies. Whilst I knew the car was not perfect when it went to Park West, the Vanos was indeed faulty which has lead to the cam chain to rattle and wear, I was surprised to find the steering rack leaked fluid and the head gasket weeped engine oil. Jeez, this car is only eight months from being part of the BMW Approved Used Car scheme so either it's a statistical anomaly that all this stuff should go at the same time or Sytner didn't do their job properly. Guess which one I reckon it was. Luckily this is all under warranty so it'll be gratis, off the top of my head the work will be the best part of five grand to put right without it. Dont get me wrong I love the car to bits, one minute behind the wheel and you realise just how boring 99.9999999% of all other cars are, but BMW need to sort out their processes and customer service, it's a real mixed bag of the good and the bloody awful. They have given me a 318i Auto Saloon (sedan to our US friends) to drive around for the time being. As Mrs C pointed out...worthy but boy is it dull.

I recently saw the movie Donnie Darko for the first time. Can someone explain? Was he mad and therefore it was all in his head? Did he in fact know the end of the world was coming, went back in time, sacrificed himself and saved said world? OR maybe all of the above?

Let's be honest Formula One is boring. Dull, tedious and as any sufferer of insominia will tell you a good cure. Any chance this will make a difference?